SIck Night

So here I am up at 4 am keeping a close eye on poor little Ry. His temp is soaring and it's the sadist thing in the world. I'm really on the verge of breaking down tonight. We have officially been sick at our house now for THREE FLIPPING MONTHS. The boys off and on... me- constant. I feel like stupid things keep holding me back.

I knew that the post pardom depression thing would end and I would be able to do great things and reach this new level of life and so on. But I didn't know that it was going to take 3 months of purging my body of crap through sickness to get there. I know that satin is siting there thinking he's really screwed as soon as I get feeling better so Heavenly Father please make me better so I can really fight my battle.

I've always felt like one of the reasons I have faced so many physical ailments in my life is so that I can help others, have compassion, see them through and show them that it is still possible to have faith through it all. I'd love to volunteer in a hospital or something like that hold peoples hands and just send super strong energy their way. I do truly believe that good energy can heal a person. There are so many poor people out there that have such a horrible quality of life that their body revolts and their spirit is weighed down. This bout of sickness is just another opportunity for me to learn about myself and the spirit. And that is me trying to be optimistic.

Sorry if this is really crazy sounding~ it is now 5am...

Hope you all take a little time to reflect on your quality of life! Nameste`